"Gentlemen, once again it has fallen to us to perform a mission considered by command to be impossible. Make no mistake, the risk of taking casualties on this mission is extremely high. The mission is simple: get into the mall, buy Xmas gifts and escape.
"Field intelligence reports that the best time to enter the mall is between the hours of 3pm and 5pm. During this time there is deconflictation as the teenagers have burned up all their energy from their sugary drinks and are unable to continue their mating rituals, while the regular people are still at their place of employment. This is when we will strike.
"We will insert via ground vehicle from the east, gaining ingress from the eastern carpark entrance. From there proceed directly to the target area, expect to encounter heavy resistance from sales, enormous signs promising huge savings and pushy sales reps forcing handcream, debt cards or offering to buy your unwanted gold.
"Once you reach the target area, engage the nearest sales rep with extreme prejudice. Complete the transaction as quickly as possible, aim to be in and out in less than five minutes.
"When the mission objective is completed, the most difficult part of the mission begins: egress. Return to the insertion point for rendez-vous and extraction. Expect to encounter similar amount of resistance on egress. There may be a mobile phone kiosk which also contains pushy sales reps and do not allow yourself to be tempted by delicious looking pictures of chocolate sundaes promising 'real Belgian chocolate'.
"Upon reaching the rendez-vous point, enter the extraction vehicles. The drivers have been instructed not to wait for stragglers so time will be of the essence. Once extraction has begun, there should be limited resistance although we may run into conflict with additional traffic around the conflict zone so keep your heads on a swivel.
"Any questions gentlemen?"
"Yes commander, what will we be having for dinner after the mission?"
When exactly did we have to plan our Christmas shopping expeditions like a special forces mission?
